A Good Day.

After several horrendous days of Cooper refusing to feed and going hysterical because he was starving but too sore to try to feed (how confusing for the little lambchop), we had a better day today, just a few dodgy feeds.  He was pretty tired though, so I think that might have been why, he was so sleepy at each feed I don't think he noticed the pain?  

Anyway I am trying to really appreciate the good moments when they come and really soak them all in.

I started a Gratitude Journal too, to try to keep my smile factor up:)  I know it may sound a bit Oprah, a bit corny even, but I think it might help to think of just one happy moment each day, to remind me that life isn't really that bad.  And also to keep me looking outward, being a Reflux mummy we can sometimes become a bit 'woe is me' and forget that others have problems too and that life is good.

We Didn't Dodge the Bullet After All:(

Well turns out Cooper has followed in his two big brothers footsteps, after lulling us into a false sense of security he too has also taken to refusing to feed even though he is hungry.  They do this because they associate the breast with the reflux pain that comes after a feed as well as the pain during feeding.  The pain during feeding comes because their little throat is all burnt and sore when they swallow.  

Boxing Day was the start of all the dramas for us.  Yep Coop has started to refuse to feed.  It has been building up slowly to this point for a couple of weeks now.  Unfortunately, things haven't righted themselves this time and it's just getting worse.

I think I have cried pretty much every day since Boxing Day!  I can't believe I actually thought he wasn't going to stop feeding when it had happened with the other two.  I just keep wondering how I'm going to be able to get back and forth from School and Creche and be on time, when it takes a while to get him to feed.  I guess I'll just have to take him screaming hungry!?  Karl keeps telling to me to remember that it is just noise... umm yeah a mother is not wired to be able to switch off from crying!  I guess I'll figure it out somehow.

So I will just have to say adios to a life for another 9 months and keep trying to remember the bigger picture and that if it's the worst thing that happens to him, we are very lucky.  And I know we are, he is not handicapped in anyway, he is so lovely.  But when you have a crying hungry baby who is fretting because the thing they want most is going to hurt them (how confusing must that be for them by the way?), and you have to feed them through out the day, it does get you down a bit. 

I can't go out for very long either because I have to feed him at home, in a room by ourselves, where I can try to settle him down.  I also have gone back to lying down to feed just like his brothers, I just have more control of him, I know it's bad for reflux, but it's the only way I can do it now that he is bigger and stronger.

Went to Plunket today, and his weight has started to dip from the 91st percentile to the 75th percentile.  Will have to keep an eye on that, especially if his height stays at the 91st.  With the puking and now the not feeding thing combined he will be taking in a lot less.  But that just might be him doing the Hamon boys thing.  Both Chase and Flynn started of big and are now wee things.

Well I will take a big breath and hope that the rest of the family forgive me for being so grumpy for the next wee while. 

Round Three!

Well the inevitable has happened, I thought I was ready for this but obviously I still had a glimmer of hope.  I've allowed myself a little sniffle on the way home from the Doctors before I snapped out of it and reminded myself that in the great scheme of things, this is no biggy.

So Cooper is two weeks old and starting to show similar signs to Flynn and Chase in the old reflux department.  It's early days yet, but when you've been through it twice before, you know the little beginning signs to look for.  I deluded myself for a week hoping it was just gas, but little man pukes all the time, even out his nose and sometimes projectile.  He had starting looking a bit uncomfortable and started struggling with his feeds.  After a week I caved and realised that it most probably was reflux and off we went to see Dr Liang (a reflux and allergy specialist who is supposed to be the best in the country - we personally agree). 

I was still hoping maybe it wouldn't be as severe as the others, but apparently it's worse, Dr Liang said that the little opening that hasn't grown is very wide, almost non existent in fact, and the acid is almost free flowing back up his throat.  Not the news I was hoping for:(  

So little Cooper is now on Losec capsules for reflux.  We asked whether seeing as we had got on to it early if we would avoid the refusal to feed issues we had with the other two.  Unfortunately, the answer was a big fat 'no', the Doc said he would probably refuse to feed too, the Losec just reduces the acidity and avoids all the other complications of reflux like too much acid getting into the lungs etc.

So at about six weeks when his little throat is burnt enough from the acid, he too is most likely going to stop feeding and the screaming will begin.  He will stop sleeping and the Happy Hamons will not be so happy for about a year.  

Karl and I are too funny, we are still hopeful, we are now saying perhaps he will be a little toughy and just deal with the pain and still feed and not be too affected by it:)  So I will wait with abated breath to see what happens.

He also has colic so he has some Merbentyl for that which seems to be helping a bit.

We are sleeping him back in the cot which we've raised the head of to help keep everything down.  I was a little sad about that, I love sleeping with my little bubba and miss him already.  But it's better for his little throat if he sleeps raised.